you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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