And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
