So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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