he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
