Nicole vs. Life
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
