you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
