Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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