We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
