More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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