At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
