my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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