I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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