First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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