So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
