ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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