You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
