so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
two words: eviction party
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
