Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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