What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
