And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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