so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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