R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
