dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
