he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
