She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
