how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
