alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
