i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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