wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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