we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
