wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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