Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
