Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
