I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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