ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
