you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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