small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
