when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
