You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
