dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
