I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
