HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
