we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
