Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
