That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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