You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
