I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
