Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
