Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
