Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
