Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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