Kiss
Puke
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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