$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize