so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
