My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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