You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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