The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
