i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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