Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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