But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
