he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
