I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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