I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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