I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
