we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
