I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
