K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
