I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
