Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
