is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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