I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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