he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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