hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
