you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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