how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
