Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize