You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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