I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
