im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I CAN MOONWALK!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
