I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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