Got a toothbrush?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sacagawea was the original milf.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
