I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
